The Alliance of Epic Fail
by InsaneCorruption
Summary: The Infected, Blackwatch, and Dana Mercer decide that it would be a great time to stop fighting and be at peace.  Mercer is as cheerful as always. K  for now.
1. A Bad Start

**Disclamer: I DO NOT OWN THIS BECAUSE IF I DID this would happen.**

**Sound Effects: **_splat!_

My name is Alex Mercer. A few weeks ago an accident happened in Pen Station. Now I hunt, I kill, I consu-

MERCER! Suddenly the hooded man who was brooding looked up only to be greeted by a cinderblock in the face. "ALEX J MERCER! GET YOUR BIOMASS UP HERE THIS INSTANT!" The Hooded man now identified as Alex quickly jumped off the roof and ran at inhuman speeds to the building a crossed from him. Then, with out warning he started running up the walls to the 72 floor of the large apartment building. When he reached the window the scream had originated from he found himself grabbed by the collar and yanked in.

Now, only four things scared Alex. One was Elizabeth Greene, the cause of the infection that plagued New York. The second was the monstrous Hunters that Greene unleashed on the city. The third was the Blackwatch, a (incompetent) Biohazard containment group that had been trying to eliminate him. The fourth and last thing however made the blood in his veins run cold. It was the most powerful enemy he would ever face and he could not harm it at all, no matter what he did. It was his own sister, Dana Mercer, who at this very time looked like she was about to cram Alex into a small jar and send him careening down the side of the building he just ran up

"Hello to you to Dana." Mercer said as he waited to know what his sister needed. Dana simply scoffed at mercer and said, "Cross came by. He said that Greene contacted him and wanted to form a peace treaty and that your invited." Mercer simply said three things that he, to this day, regrets. "I'm not going." Dana just Stared at him before reaching behind herself. Mercer suddenly reacted. He swatted away Dana's grip on his collar before his body started to twist and turn as tendrils formed a hard, protective covering on his body. The moment he achieved his armor form however, was the moment Dana attacked.

_Squirt! Squirt! Squirt!_

Mercer fell down as the destructive liquid particles from the spray bottle that Dana had collided with his armor. With in moments the particles cut through his body like he was a giant warm butter statue verses a large hot blade. His body continued to melt before Dana decided that she got her point a crossed and walked ever so calmly and slowly over to the refrigerator and pulled out a small cardboard container that held milk. She opened it, took a small sip, and then pored it onto the puddle that her brother was turning into. The reaction was instantaneous. Tendrils started to squirm and then Alex's body began to slowly fix itself. Dana then dropped the now empty container of milk as Mercer's body shot into it and tried to get every last drop of milk from the container as it could. After about a minute he finally stood up as one of his arms started to re-grow. He looked over at Dana who, at the moment, was sitting on the couch. "Where is it?" Dana simply held up her phone. Mercer then sighed before reaching into his body and pulling out a phone. He opened it and saw the message **You have one new e-mail. **He opened it and saw that central park was highlighted. He sighed before jumping out the window and gliding down toward central park.

How was that for my first fan-fiction?


	2. Meeting of the Titans

**Do you honestly think I own this series? I mean really now, come on.**

**Thoughts: **_Not Again…_

Alex Mercer landed from his glide and proceeded to bound through the streets heading toward Central Park. Once he got there, he reached into his pocket to grab the cell phone. It wasn't there. _For the love of…._ thought Mercer as he checked his other pocket. _Oh no…not again._ Alex Mercer then started to stuff his hands into his stomach looking desperately for his lost phone. Biomass pulled apart as he continued to scratch and claw his way through his body. The civilians around him took notice and, after several of them vomited, they took off in the opposite direction. Soon Mercer had moved the search to his feet, yanking out biomass that immediately moved its way up to the top of Mercer's head, forming a perfect, if not disturbing, loop of tendrils. All while this was occurring one simple overpowering thought was in Mercer's head. _If I lose that phone Dana's goanna kill me _(Author note: sing to tune of Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition)

After yanking out so much biomass that his head was on the ground Mercer finally found the phone stuck to the back of his head. Letting out a sigh of relief, Mercer checked the map again and found the location of the bench the meeting was taking place at.

*Somewhere else in Central Park*

Cross was considerably less happy today. Now, he was never really happy but today was a complete nightmare. It all started with his wake up time. Normally Cross wakes up at a wonderful 4:00 to make Nonstandard issued Blackwatch coffee. This time however, he was woken up by his roommate at a crisp 12:00 AM. The Supreme hunter whom he named Hunter, which was better than the Wisemen's nickname (CrackCross) and Blackwatch's codename (Son), decided that the bunk bed that it occupied was not destroyed enough and with a quick lapse in judgment, decided to bound ever so carelessly on the top bunk, the bottom being occupied by Cross. Needless to say Cross's trust in the beast was crushed as well as the bed which now resembled a single bed with one happy, and very pink, monster on it. "_Where the hell is Mercer?"_ thought Cross in order to remove the mental images from his mind. A large explosion followed by a tree falling onto a rather startled Supreme Hunter though quickly dashed this.

It was Greene who had a frown that challenged Cross's for supremacy. They spent a good two minutes just staring at each other before the Supreme hunter managed to punt the tree off of him and standing up with a grin that was the exact polar opposite to the frowns donned by the other two. Cross then said "Hello."

"Greene"

"Captain Cross"

"Momma!"

"Mutant parasitic beast"

"Cross?"

"Hunter"

At this point they all noticed something a bit odd. The tree that Hunter had punted was coming back. Greene simply rolled her eyes and Cross face palmed. Alex was in the tree and cursing all the way.

"Oh good, here comes entertainment" said Greene. "WOOT ENTERTAINMENT!" screamed Hunter, who was immediately introduced to muscle mass and foliage projectiles. "Alex, I see you are free of your GREENE prison." Said Cross. Elizabeth then gave Cross such a nasty look that her face literally shape shifted into a more fitting form to show her amazing hatred at the corny joke.

"So why did I have to come here? I have better things to do.", said Alex. Cross shot him a look, "No you don't. You literally do nothing but glide around the city all day or do the shopping for you sister." Supreme hunter giggled at that comment. Greene rolled her eyes, "Are we going to talk about a treaty or not." "Ok, sure lets do that"

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter.**


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